ur boring get used to it

Half cut, half spent, half heaven sent in the gents, 50 cent, in da club, in da bar, am i in mars? catch my breath in tar, having fun is hard, having fun is hard

That sounds nice but through barred teeth I admit its not me now,

Chow down on the realisations rattling round my brain:

You’re not the same

Love’s an end game,

Club’s are always a shame,

My lion, with its heartshaped mane, firy crown, roars heartache to an earless town,

He’s lame,

Might aswell be tame,

I’m lame,

Pretty much tame

Anachronism, 80s television, third way myopisism, liberal utopianism, led zep are brilliant, the smart phone is a villain, 12 pence in a shilling, if I met the it-man, I’d imagine I’d kill him, I’ll never be the it-man, which is just as well, cos I’d kill him

block

Hsksisj:hnxkddi,, :&84: :)/hgkhj jsjdvd d,   ksjsjskala cccoofkfkdkkdk

Caaaa.s.s…..ntntbbtbt wrfiifittddfeee,,.,., whhhygyyyyyyyyyuyyyyyy not???+/? I mmm mnpot drunbhhkkiii ,-,-/-/// iiiiiiiii saaaaannmmmmm kjussdt wwewuithin ft he ddsepthds fpofffff hell hell hell

I’ll tell you whats what

Hells not hot, its cold

Its a block, block of ice

With my body frozen in it,

Anything nice suspended like christ on the cross,

Tryna cross tees,

with fingers froze in the freeze,

Is impossible

Fires feels far away,

In Another place, tomorrow, yesterday,

They’ve flamed, They’ll splay and spit without mercy, burning me, burning you

Teeth will clamp shut tight, fists will fight, throats will cry, flesh will bubble, skin will tear, there’ll be sweat, life and death, I’ll swear, I swear the night’s sterile dark will run away into daylight, daylight, daylight, climb, clamber, unhampered, unhindered, release me, release me,

But no but no because right now the cold is everywhere

I’m trying to gasp for oxygen

Trying gag at the tastelessness on my tongue

Tryi.ng to cry

Trnmying to sss.mile

Trgguhying tytto4 oooshiveerr

Tr….r..y…yyiiingngn tr..f.gtiing trddying trttoooppp B.bbreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sossm6eeon.,,,,,,e

Haaiosohbdurijr…)£83′._)£usdhsh):866/all njkkkkkkss……..,,  .      :::£qqqqq199$]$>{¥¥¥¥njdouubbtkievve

Grab a pint or three with g, he’s a g,

cant you see mate, you’re more than alright, you’re great

But I hate, how I hate, I hate it all, I feel nothing at all, all’s awful, all the present does is mourn for a dead past, a terminal future, paralysed paralysed,

But its not dying, its not dying, what else is there but trying, plying a trade, laying down slates of concrete for the middle-aged middle-class,

A farce! surely?!, a boring existence, a life for fools and horses trawling up to never-near, always-far, relentlessly hard

Of course its a farce but you’ll be laughing all the way to the grave as long as you know you’re okay, you’re good, you you you

Me me me, I I I, self self self

Yeah and help yourself

I can only play the cards ive been dealt, dealt myself, friends with parasitic mental health, cowering like children under the shadow of wealth, being beaten by a belt held by a headmaster with an instagram smirk, diamond-plated teeth, donald trumps wig, Kim Kardashians arse, eyes which burn harsh and green as money, green as envy, skin that flickers the Technicolor vomit of the telly

But you’re a man, a man, be a man, damn damn god damn, damn god, he’s too busy plotting to take note of your plan, cmon cmon cmon tom, for fuck sake come on, fuck him, fuck his grin, fuck him

Yeah fuck him

And fuck them too

Its all me

Its all you

Stay free, stay free, drink this with me, we’ll clash with the crowds, we’re out on the town, we’ll burn it fucking down

to a cinder

 

A new day and my phone tells me its warmer

I’m wearing last nights tshirt still

I sniff it but the acrid smell of last night doesn’t pang my nostrils

I reach under and put my fingers in my armpit but they’re not dampened by sweaty syrup

I go to move

But the sheet.s stick to me like plahhster

Lghike a vip?scous sno,,//w

Wih_jyhbgt6676/////sh no hdis@@@@<$<$]|¥¥¥¥hhhgaqqpzxviwhe no ahaia¿¿¿¿:-):-):-):&;:3+iwb no I wont, I wont, I wont

Instead I’ll read back on these words I wrote

And feel the heat of the anger they seethe

Instead I’ll read back on these words I wrote

And melt, and melt, and melt the freeze

coal

Always told “you can sparkle if you go for it”

That seemed boring so I had more fun

But what exactly do I have to show for it?

What exactly is it I do did done?

Maybe that’s just depressive

Diamond boy momentarily dirtied by mud

Maybe my eyes still shine, so impressive

Once cleaned by a best-mates hug

But right now the future seems blanker than black

My fig tree already poisoned and old

Too late to escape my house, semi-detached

Too late for this lump of coal

vampire

Im gonna let down my hair,

but it’s a thursday,

but I don’t care it’s someone’s birthday, the mirth makes up for weekday headaches,

who’s is it?

Its err err what’s hisher name, err, err, erring on the side of debauchery, forcibly throwing away caution into a mellower breeze than the slipstream of wind we travel in: hot like steam, from a mindrotting trot to galloping dreams, a team, a gang, of post-teen freaks and queens, posers and thieves, cherubims and sweetpeas, all for one and all are one and all for none and all are none, all trawling all yawning, all flying all excited up the m1, m6, m4, door to door, town to town,

hello you alright come in sit down,

how are you?

When we going out?

How’s it all going?

When we going out?

Do you like my new shirt, its ralph?

Yeah that’s great when we going out? When we hitting the town? I wanna fly about and shout loud and hear the echo rebound of bricks so I can picture the buildings like a bat, like a vampire getting fat on the blood of this city, my teeth are to be the ones that hath bit into this place’s veins, tasted the taste of its gritty, shitty, pissy liquid lifeline, and so do you, I know you, you’re like me, you wanna consume, consume, fill the empty rooms of your mind with the rich seconds of a night, all rumbling stomachs, we’re a gang with vangs that hang ready to sink, we’re a gang with brains ready to think hand in hand with the anarchy of drink, drugs, love, lust, we’re a gang, we’re a group, we’re a troup

Roll up, roll up, read all about it, gang of adultchildren with with roll ups roll up to the highstreet and rape and pillage the village for all its got

This is war that rages as ferocious as hell is hot

Let’s do a shot, let’s down a pint, let’s go wrong, let’s go inside this gaff on the right, might dab this, shit burns my gums, let’s chew our tongues, let’s grind this bum, god this is fun, so fun, so fucking fun, don’t hum but scream back the chorus to this song, I grab a girl and we snog like it’s the last day of the world, naaah fuck her, lets go, that house party is just getting started, let’s call a guy, you know a guy who can supply our demand, narcotic freakonomics, its 60 for two, that’ll do, so white it’s almost blue, my shoes muddy the carpet, the smoke ruddies the white of my eyes that can still be seen even in this darkness, this place can’t be heartless, must have lungs, cos the beat pumps, heaves so strong, so strong, we’re so strong, we’re so sexy, I know how to solve brexit and trump and all of life’s mysteries, the present just nullifies all the pain of history, I ain’t seen you ages, were you missing me? I guess you must have been because now you’re tongue’s kissing me, lets dance, caste away the claustrophobia of class and ambition with the sweet rotation of our hips, pelvis like an anvil, elvis was a handful, ask priscilla, but I’m a fist, we’re a fist, we’re a killer blow, I’m in a gang you know, we have fangs that hang down low, wait, shit, where you going, where’s she gone, no worries I’ll find harry, I’ll find tom, where’s that dick gone? Have you seen kate? Have you seen lucy?

I think they’ve all gone mate

What?

Yeah they left about an hour ago, are you okay?

No I’m not bloody okay, out my way, upstairs, bedroom, bedroom, my panic is a sadistic estate agent, toilet, downstairs, living room kitchen, showing round my feardrenched face,

gotta find em, where am I? Shit. Shit shit shit. I have no idea what to do

Get an uber.

To where? Bollocks, I wish I cared to remember who’s house I said I’d stay at, now im a rat, down in the sewer, scurrying, looking for scraps to chew, a hole to hide in but there’s people everywhere, they all have the same hair, the same glazed glare,

who are.you?

I’m jim,

I thought him was jim,

nope that’s tim 

Fuck fuck fuck

Where’s the gang? Where’s the gang? 

all for one and all are one but but but

all for none and all are none and all for none and all are none and all for one and all are none and I for one are all for none

Im hungry

woops

Amidst the whispered, midnight sweet-somethings,

A certain someone laughed, “I’ve met my match.”

To which the other, a fool, shut the door,

I just hope it was left on the latch.

Beginning, Middle, 

Beer, wine, to unwind our minds, so hers can stand square on to mine

I tried my best, tried to drop a shoulder, tried to smoulder, tried to smoke

But I choked

Frog in my throat

Ribbiting, rabbiting, croaking on about nothing: crap jokes, our folks, ghosts we both know, a past trip to the coast, im boring, im a bore, she stifles a snore into a sigh, checking phone, think its time we should go, she drops me home, thats nice of her, if you go down this road, turn left, thats the best way

we’ll do this again another day?

“Yeah okay”

There’s nothing else to say

little things

I had a dream and then I had another,

Where I took cover, where I cowered, where londons towers fell in fires hot at hell, tell myself its not real, its not real, making a mountain out of a molehill, making a meal out of the scraps of my thoughts, the snacks my insatiable mind scoffs to feel something, anything, consume, still can’t shake the doom, eyes still clouded by gloom, hello nice to meet you, you at uni yeah? What do you do? Don’t really care, you’re all cool clothes, nice hair, I know its not fair but go away, you’re not all there, I am tho, I’ve seen it, my dreams paint Armageddon scenes on the canvas of my tuesdays, mondays, midweek bad dreams, wednesdays, post-teen reality, thursdays, elephant and castle, rain spitting like piss, trains I miss, park benches I sit, seethe at the trees, whitechapel, winter freeze, forget how to breathe, what do I need to read now? 22 pages, takes ages, takes hours ploughing through work to tell employers im not playing, not toying with them, my application is worthwhile, Im the sort of square to organise my files: university, personal, band, not sure which is more handy to my life’s plan, I’m.gonna be great,

but you’re stupid,

shut up, im gonna be great, gonna be good,

you?!

Yeah me, sailing the high seas of the adult world like fucking blackbeard,

don’t be absurd, you’re dumb, no woman loves you cept for your mum,

you done?

Nope, only just begun, only just getting started, you stink like a dogs corpse that’s just farted, normally you make puns in your poems tom but what about this one? Cant even do that and that’s the easiest way to be funny, when was the last time your poo wasn’t runny? You eat crap, you’re getting fat, too much booze, too much secondary smoke choking you, too many minutes where its your own hand thats groping you, how are you coping you worthless piece of shit?

I dunno

That girl you like’s tits are being bit, covered in spit by some dumbfucks tongue as he licks her nips, licks her shit off her asshole, that could be you you know, that could be you making love, she’s below you’re above, doing a grown up hug, hearing every pump of her blood

Go away for gods sake!!!!

But this is you remember, this is you’re past, you’re forever, you’re not clever, never were, never will be, you don’t even know where you are right now, do you?

I do!

Go on then

Errrrrr….. oh Jesus christ, my head’s spinning, im rolling like a dice, where will I land? Hand reaches out for the wall, helps me fall onto a bed, oh shit this is my one, move my head so it rests on a pillow my parents money bought, shut my eyes, shut my eyes, shut my mind, shut my mind and drift into the night

Sunshine

Read back on the words written in dim light

Surprised they even rhyme

Surprise they ahdere to the stream of time

Kinda shocked that those thoughts were mine

I sigh

I look out of my window

I live in a house which is the end of a terrace

So when I look out I see two roads, one leading away from me, one coming across me

Someone planted the trees and bushes in the gardens front gardens in front of me

The tarmac has got frosted edges

I can’t make out exactly what the ice looks like but if got close enough I’m sure I could see the little crystalline structures the ice makes

See the drops of water which hang off the end of the tiny architecture

And glaze it with a cold moisture

So that when the rays hit, sometimes you see a rainbow

Its weird because winters persistent nibble is so warming

I thank god for this

And everything else which remains undisturbed by the ugly face of fighting:

Hills which roll and get battered by the wind and stand as silhouettes against the red burn of the sun

A cat lolloping around infront of a crackling fireplace, stretching out its back before it finds a comfortable shape to make

My dad who understands

The pure bliss of a second

My nan and my sister

Who shout back when they’re heckled

My friends whose eyes ache

But who always give me a smile

My mum who works hard

To make it all worthwhile