little things

I had a dream and then I had another,

Where I took cover, where I cowered, where londons towers fell in fires hot at hell, tell myself its not real, its not real, making a mountain out of a molehill, making a meal out of the scraps of my thoughts, the snacks my insatiable mind scoffs to feel something, anything, consume, still can’t shake the doom, eyes still clouded by gloom, hello nice to meet you, you at uni yeah? What do you do? Don’t really care, you’re all cool clothes, nice hair, I know its not fair but go away, you’re not all there, I am tho, I’ve seen it, my dreams paint Armageddon scenes on the canvas of my tuesdays, mondays, midweek bad dreams, wednesdays, post-teen reality, thursdays, elephant and castle, rain spitting like piss, trains I miss, park benches I sit, seethe at the trees, whitechapel, winter freeze, forget how to breathe, what do I need to read now? 22 pages, takes ages, takes hours ploughing through work to tell employers im not playing, not toying with them, my application is worthwhile, Im the sort of square to organise my files: university, personal, band, not sure which is more handy to my life’s plan, I’m.gonna be great,

but you’re stupid,

shut up, im gonna be great, gonna be good,


Yeah me, sailing the high seas of the adult world like fucking blackbeard,

don’t be absurd, you’re dumb, no woman loves you cept for your mum,

you done?

Nope, only just begun, only just getting started, you stink like a dogs corpse that’s just farted, normally you make puns in your poems tom but what about this one? Cant even do that and that’s the easiest way to be funny, when was the last time your poo wasn’t runny? You eat crap, you’re getting fat, too much booze, too much secondary smoke choking you, too many minutes where its your own hand thats groping you, how are you coping you worthless piece of shit?

I dunno

That girl you like’s tits are being bit, covered in spit by some dumbfucks tongue as he licks her nips, licks her shit off her asshole, that could be you you know, that could be you making love, she’s below you’re above, doing a grown up hug, hearing every pump of her blood

Go away for gods sake!!!!

But this is you remember, this is you’re past, you’re forever, you’re not clever, never were, never will be, you don’t even know where you are right now, do you?

I do!

Go on then

Errrrrr….. oh Jesus christ, my head’s spinning, im rolling like a dice, where will I land? Hand reaches out for the wall, helps me fall onto a bed, oh shit this is my one, move my head so it rests on a pillow my parents money bought, shut my eyes, shut my eyes, shut my mind, shut my mind and drift into the night


Read back on the words written in dim light

Surprised they even rhyme

Surprise they ahdere to the stream of time

Kinda shocked that those thoughts were mine

I sigh

I look out of my window

I live in a house which is the end of a terrace

So when I look out I see two roads, one leading away from me, one coming across me

Someone planted the trees and bushes in the gardens front gardens in front of me

The tarmac has got frosted edges

I can’t make out exactly what the ice looks like but if got close enough I’m sure I could see the little crystalline structures the ice makes

See the drops of water which hang off the end of the tiny architecture

And glaze it with a cold moisture

So that when the rays hit, sometimes you see a rainbow

Its weird because winters persistent nibble is so warming

I thank god for this

And everything else which remains undisturbed by the ugly face of fighting:

Hills which roll and get battered by the wind and stand as silhouettes against the red burn of the sun

A cat lolloping around infront of a crackling fireplace, stretching out its back before it finds a comfortable shape to make

My dad who understands

The pure bliss of a second

My nan and my sister

Who shout back when they’re heckled

My friends whose eyes ache

But who always give me a smile

My mum who works hard

To make it all worthwhile


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